She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
