i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
