I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You pole danced in your parka.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
