Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
