you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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