Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
