what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
