Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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