I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
