you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
