I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
