i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
