How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
