if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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