any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
