Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
