so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
