you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
