Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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