All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
