My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
