Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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