I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
