ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
