im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
