you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
