I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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