ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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