I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
