This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
