I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
