i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
