I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
