So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
