Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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