You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
