Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
