I wannas sexs uuuuu
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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