I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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