Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
