Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
