I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
