How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
