everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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