If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
