If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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