I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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