I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
