I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
