Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
