you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You dont lie about slip and slides
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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