how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
