last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize