Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
