my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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