you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
