Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
