Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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