then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
