i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
