I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
