I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
