I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize