he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
