why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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